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This period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {