Evening Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

TV's leading entertainers spent the broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas tune directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he handles."

The focus was the new initiative which allows foreign citizens to purchase U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. An official page pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief message for you to wealthy immigrants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, involving significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval ratings amid financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.