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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been often taken by surprise by others. Her partner walked away, and it was a huge shock. Many of her friends vanished then, as they were drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, likely understood better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Over the years, quite a few of her friends vanished leaving her sure why. Her last employer became hostile, although she was highly competent, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each retired leading to more time together, but I am finding the part I play between us is to listen. I open subjects but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to many times even called home previously. I attempted to share advice, but this was not welcomed. She really solely sought validation of her plans. I have come back from a month in that country she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she can understand the effect of how she acts on my confidence. Currently, my state is distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to resolution demands strength and readiness from both people.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. This needs to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Step two is to tell the way it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are valid, of course. Finally involves requesting how you are both can shift the interaction between you."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. One effective method is telling her:

"Now you talk and I promise to listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject your concerns, since certain individuals have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they cannot let go of since their identity depends upon it and it's all they trust. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react defensively then consider your perspective. And should you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you peace that you've been open and direct.